I know I’m super late to the party, but I’ve finally discovered cauliflower pizza base and it’s actually nowhere near as gross as I thought it’d be.

I don’t have a microwave (we’ve actually not had one since we moved out of 558 in 2014) and also I’m super lazy, so I spent ages trawling the internet for a recipe that didn’t require either heating the cauli, or ringing out the excess water. I thought the two went hand-in-hand, so eliminating the heating part would eliminate the water part, and it’d be happy days.

Turns out it’s literally impossible to make a cauliflower pizza base without ringing out your ‘rice’ in a tea towel, and if you don’t, you just end up with hot mush on a baking tray. I managed to avoid using a microwave by dumping the minced cauliflower into a deep, dry saucepan and just stirring it around until it was heated through and starting to soften.

I’m pleased to report my first attempt was such a success that I repeated it the very next day, but then got worried about my health bcos I’d eaten two entire cauliflowers in 24 hours and thought I’d maybe explode. I didn’t. I was fine. Also it stiffens up like a real pizza that you can slice and hold and pick up and stuff, so that was also pretty great.

I used this recipe as a guide, but left out or changed some of their ingredients based on what I had/fancied:

1 medium cauliflower – cut into florets, stalks discarded
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp mixed herbs
1/4 tsp dried garlic
1/4 tsp chili flakes
1-2 tbsp coconut flour
1 egg

In 3 or 4 batches (that’s all I could fit) whizz the cauli up in a NutriBullet and then put into a warm, dry frying pan until it’s all warmed through.

Lay a thin tea towel (I actually used a posh one from my stepmum for this bcos it was the right thickness – sorry G!) over a medium sized bowl and tip your cauliflower rice into the towel and leave to cool down for a bit. It’s tempting to try and start ringing it out asap bcos the sight of steaming cauliflower in a teatowel is bizarre and you’ll want to make it stop immediately but WAIT or you will burn your hands off and its NOT FUN.

Once it’s cooled but still warm, gather up the towel around the cauli and ring it out until you feel like your wrists will snap and you’ve pulled every muscle in your hands and arms. Rest for a few minutes, and start again. I will honestly never get over how much water there is in cauliflower. It’s ridiculous.

When you’re happy it’s dry enough, add it to your herbs and flour in another clean bowl and stir in the egg. It’ll probably look gross but I’m pretty sure it’s meant to. Go with it.

Squash it out flat onto greaseproof paper on a pizza pan and shape it into a circle then bake it without any toppings for about 10 minutes for a bit more of the water to evaporate. I used the tomato sauce I always use for homemade pizzas (it’s in another post) plus some dairy free cheese, chorizo and other bits and bobs. Deeeeeelish.